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Holy Humor

Some people are kind, polite and sweet-spirited - until you try to get into their pew.
-George Goldtrap, Madison, Tennessee

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
-Mark Twain

Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
-Fred Allen

Do you know the three times that most people are in church?  When they are hatched, matched and dispatched.
-Lowell B. Yoder, Holland, Ohio

Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn't belong.
-Msgr. Joseph P. Dooley, Martins Creek, Pennsylvania

If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying for the one it has.
-Rev. Robert E. Harris

A lot of church members who are singing "Standing On The Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
-Sr. Monique Rysavy

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers.
-Donna Maddux, Stillwater, Oklahoma

Every evening I turn my troubles over to God - He's going to be up all night anyway.
-Donald J. Morgan, Columbus, Ohio

I don't know why some people change churches - what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
-Rev. Denny Brake

If a Savior leaves you as you are and where you are, from what has He saved you?
-Rev. Denny Brake

Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God.
-Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

If your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington.

To err is human; to blame it on somebody else is even more human.
-John Nadeau, Medford, Massachusetts

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
-Rev. Denny Brake